Pilgrimage

Inverness, Tain and Portmahomack feature in ‘the Saint Columba Trail’, one of six Scottish ‘Pilgrim Journeys’ being promoted by the Scottish Churches Trust. Co-director of the Trust, Dr Brian Fraser says ‘We are finding there is a great upsurge in interest in pilgrimage from a spiritual point of view.’  Young people especially, he adds ‘are keen on the idea of walking your faith rather than talking your faith.’

In a sense we are all pilgrims, for the journey of our lives is a kind of pilgrimage. There will be time for talking our faith, but the way we walk – the way we live – shows how real to us what we say we believe actually is.

Carol Hughes, widow of the poet Ted Hughes announced recently that she is to write a book about their marriage ‘while I have full recall and no false memory.’ As pilgrims, we are storytellers, making sense of where we are by recalling earlier stages of the journey. But I think Carol Hughes is optimistic – none of us has full recall, none of us can be sure there are no false memories.

Many of us find that as we grow older the events we choose to highlight in the story of our lives, and the way we interpret those events changes. This can be a bad thing, if for example we hide from past events we can’t face up to, or allow old wounds to fester, or use the past as an excuse for what we are in the present.

But re-interpreting the past can be helpful if, for instance, we come to a level-headed acceptance of where we’ve messed up, or grow in understanding of and empathy with those who have messed us up.

And I guess the more real faith is to us, the more the story we tell will centre not on Me but on God.

A personal example. Until recently when telling my story I blamed the churches I attended as a teenager for making me the anxious worrier I am, as I was paralysed by fear of judgement and of being ‘left behind’ at the return of Christ. I also blamed these churches for failing to understand and affirm my inability to connect with and feel part of worship as others seemed able to do.

I now realise that, like it or not, a tendency to anxiety and depression and an inability to release myself into, and engage in communal activities such as worship and concerts is part of my make-up.

The churches I attended were in some respects unwise and insensitive, and I was exposed to elements of ‘toxic religion’ but the extent of my pain was due to me being who I am.  Recognising this enables me both to be free from a sense of victimhood, and free to forgive those who, through lack of empathy, messed me up, and this is liberating.

Another example. For many years in thinking about my parents, I focussed not on their undoubted practical care and love for me but on what I saw as their failure to understand me, to really communicate with me, to encourage me to be my own person. Since they passed away, I have grown in compassion for them.
I understand that my mother struggled with sadness and depression, and that my father was desperately protective towards her. I accept that in the past I have put more weight on what I felt was at the same time both emotional smothering and emotional neglect, and downplayed the extent of their love for me.

I see them as flawed people, like I am, like we all are, people in whose pilgrimage there was more than an occasional glimpse of glory and I feel for them compassion and forgiveness.

In ways like this, we all look back at the earlier stages of our journey from the perspective of the lessons life has taught us. Though the future is unknown, it is good to look ahead and to dream of ways the journey might develop. And again, as our understanding of ourselves and our past deepens, so our vision of the future will change.

The past has taught me that whatever lies ahead, there will always be change and learning, and the breaking-in of unexpected things; there will be fellow-travellers given for mutual encouragement; and though God will often seem far away, there will be times of clarity when I know God is there, and that I am loved.

As pilgrims, we do not travel alone, for we believe God journeys with us though sometimes invisible. At the end of the journey we will see the whole story stretching behind us. And in the dimension beyond will we have full recall, and no false memories?

 (Christian Viewpoint column from the Highland News dated 17th January 2013)