Life Assurance

My daughters’ eyes lit up when they saw the sum my new life insurance policy would pay out if I were to die. But then they came over and hugged me. ‘It’s you we want,’ they said.

The implication of life insurance is that our lives are valuable. Yet that value can’t be expressed simply in monetary terms. A cash payment when someone dies helps out practically, but doesn’t even begin to compensate for the devastating loss of a loved one.

What particularly struck me at church last Sunday is the fact that God loves me, personally. Ultimately, our value as human beings rests on the fact that we are precious to, and loved by an unfathomable God.

Setting up life insurance involves acknowledging the fact that one day I will die. What difference does it make to view the great certainty of death through the lens of faith?

Sometimes I am certain about the reality of God, and of life beyond death. But faith is by definition not proof. It could be that we religious people are deceiving ourselves, that in fact death equals extinction. But in the light of my considered experience, I believe that God is real, that God self-revealed in Jesus Christ, and that death is the gateway to a new adventure of spectacular wonder for those who have lived in the light.

Am I afraid of death? It’s easy to theorise about death and dying, and in doing so distance yourself from the visceral horror of it. You can be sure that if I knew I would die tomorrow, I would be afraid. And yet recalling the experience of other (less) difficult times, I would anticipate that despite the fear I would have a sense of being sustained by a grace from beyond myself, or at least an awareness that, though I could not feel it, I was secure in the sustaining love of God. I believe we grow in confidence that God will sustain us in our dying as day by day we trust that God sustains us in our living.

Yet while faith helps us face death, it does not belittle the ghastliness of death, the anguish of loss, the sense that it was not meant to be like this. Faith points us to Jesus who, we believe endured death in order to eliminate death, to fulfil our aching for a place where death is no more.

But is faith a kind of insurance policy  - you’re not sure, but just in case God is there, hey, why not throw a little faith into the mix? Well it may be possible to take the occasional nod in the direction of religion as an insurance policy in this sense. But faith, however feeble or strong is, by definition, a true calling out from your deepest self. And so faith, if it is genuine, can’t be a simple ‘insurance policy.’

Accepting your mortality means recognising your days are numbered, and welcoming each day as a gift, living it to the full, seeking to glimpse the wonder in ordinary things. It means choosing to live healthily, in mental, physical and spiritual terms, opting for healing rhythms of work and rest. It means focussing on what really matters – love, the quality of our relationships, the courage to be the people we’re called to be. It means never giving up because while the journey continues, the challenge continues.

Perhaps it’s easy for me to reflect in this way. I have known some hard times, but my overwhelming sense is of gratitude to God for God’s goodness to me in the gifts of wife and daughters, friends, work, the grace and courage to be me -  despite all my imperfections a good enough husband, dad, friend, colleague.

But what about people who look back through the pages of their living and see only struggles and disasters, or who feel deep remorse over things done or choices made, or who are afraid that the God they have never believed in may in fact exist, or who are burned up with rage at the silence of heaven?

I am absolutely convinced that there is a grace which forever seeks us out, the grace of the God who loves each of us with equal intensity, a grace from which we can only hide if we are determined to hide. I am convinced it is never too late to allow our fears, our rage, our anguished questioning to be conquered and stilled by the invincible grace of God.

The whispers of God’s grace do not offer insurance against death, but assurance that the God who is with us in our living will be with us in our dying and with us as the story continues beyond death.

(Christian Viewpoint column from the Highland News dated 10th October 2013)